The Midwood Files March 20, 2022

There’s alot of wars going on that we are distracted from; the war on drugs, the war on covid, the war on illiteracy ad infinitum. Bet you can make your own list. When The Midwood Files is finished dealing with the war on stupidity coming from what sounds like voodoo ceremonies next door, oh wait… Why can’t everyone else just do that right now? Just leave and stop bothering/bombing/shooting people and posting fake news? JUST STOP IT. Go to your FRIGGIN ROOM! Just SAYIN!

The Midwood Files March 13, 2022

If you listen to too many conspiracy theories, you’ll end up with an existential crisis like Boris & Natasha. BTW, DuckDuckGo can fuckfuckoff.

Boris Badenov: Those pigs. Those pigs.

Natasha: Those pigs. Those pigs. What they do, Boris?

Boris Badenov: They took my dynamite.

Natasha: Those pigs. Those pigs.

Natasha Fatale: Boris, what are we doing darlink? We’ve been trying to catch Moose and Squirrel ever since we first got drawn. We tried to stab them, shoot them, smash them, smush them, crush them, bash them, mash them, squish them, and they don’t even know our names. I’m tired of all this, Boris. I don’t want to be spy no more. Let’s face it, darling, we suck.

Boris Badenov: We don’t need computer weapon to kill moose and squirrel. We’ve been trying to kill moose and squirrel for 35 years.

Natasha Fatale: And we’ve never even come close.

-‘Boris and Natasha’ (TV Movie 1992).